Nicole + Scott - Engaged!
Ella Rose Photgraphy
How Priorities Change with Time
Getting married at a later stage in life can be a profoundly different experience compared to tying the knot in your twenties or thirties. The guest list, for one, becomes significantly more meaningful. Having gone through a previous marriage, I learned the hard way how crucial it is to be surrounded by those who genuinely love and support you. Gone are the days of inviting your mother-in-law’s bridge club just to keep the peace. Now, it's all about intimacy and genuine connection. With just 70 people on the invite list, each guest holds a special place in our hearts. It’s a stark contrast to my first wedding with nearly 200 attendees, many of whom were just acquaintances.
No Wedding Party, No Problem
One of the perks of marrying later is that the concept of a wedding party feels unnecessary. With a tribe of close loved ones, including my three adult daughters and his adult children, we have plenty of support. The pressure to choose a few bridesmaids out of an amazing group of friends feels more like a burden than a tradition worth keeping. Plus, it spares everyone the financial strain of the bridesmaid dress black hole, where expenses can spiral out of control. Our approach is more of a team effort, with each loved one contributing to the day in their unique way. This feels far more personal and authentic.
Redefining Traditions
We’re embracing a non-traditional approach to our wedding. My dad won’t be walking me down the aisle – he did that once already. This time, I'm walking myself. This wedding isn't about being given away; it's about a partnership between two equals. My best friend, who got licensed just for this occasion, will be officiating our non-religious ceremony. There’s no first dance, no father-daughter dance, no mother-son dance. It's all about stripping away the elements that don't resonate with us and focusing on what does.
Overcoming Ageism and Biases
Surprisingly, planning a wedding later in life has its own set of challenges, particularly when it comes to dealing with ageism and sexism. Attending bridal shows, I’ve encountered vendors who are astonished to learn that someone my age is a bride. Their reactions, ranging from disbelief to condescension, are both frustrating and illuminating. These biases extend beyond vendors to societal expectations – people often question why we’re even bothering with a wedding at our age. But why shouldn’t we celebrate our love just because we're not in our twenties?
Blending Families and Honoring Elders
Family dynamics also play a unique role in our wedding planning. With adult children and elderly parents, the considerations are different. Unlike younger couples blending young families, our children are independent adults with their own lives. This wedding is about us, not about merging households. We’re also mindful of our parents’ health and mobility, which influenced our decision to stay local rather than opting for a destination wedding.
A Celebration Reflecting Us
Ultimately, our wedding is a reflection of our values and our relationship. We’re fortunate to have the financial means to afford whatever we want, but our focus is on creating a day that truly represents us, rather than ticking off traditional boxes. This one day is a celebration of our life together, and it’s important that it feels authentic. Our decisions, from not having a wedding party to choosing a close friend as our officiant, are all about making the day meaningful for us.
Planning a wedding later in life may come with its unique challenges, but it also offers the opportunity to create a celebration that is deeply personal and genuinely reflective of who we are. And that, in itself, is worth every unconventional choice we make.
PSST - As we share our vows this summer, catch a glimspe of our wedding in the next issue of Mint Weddings (fall 2024).
